Feeling blue...

It’s been more than a month since I was hospitalised, and recovery seems so slow. Of course there are good and bad days but I’ve lost count of the numerous occasions when the frustrations & boredom has threatened to drive me absolutely insane.

Through all these, I’ve realised that there are actually so many things in our every day life that I seem to have taken for granted. There were so many things I was not able to do over this period. Walking, standing and sitting were really difficult initially and I could only lie on the bed without pain. Slowly, as my condition improved, even seemingly simple things were difficult. I didn’t have the strength to push a swinging door open, couldn’t get in and out of the car without difficulty, couldn’t even sit through an entire meal. Even a simple sneeze caused so much pain! We don’t realise that a simple thing like a sneeze actually results in a huge impact on our spine. Over the past few years, I’ve always known that a sneeze can cause my weak back to seize up. People look at me incredulously when I told them that a sneeze caused me to hurt my back again but my doc and physiotherapist were not at all surprised. Unfortunately, to top it all off, I have an ultra sensitive nose

But there is one thing that I’m extremely thankful for – my husband. He has been with me every step of the way, and I really mean every step – physically, mentally and emotionally. . Friends, if they are free, can only give the occasional visit or sms. But my hubby has been with me every day in the hospital, to every physiotherapy session and every doc’s visit… tolerated with all my frustrations and mood swings…. Encouraged me when I was at my lowest low… More than anything, he has shown that there is no one in this world I can depend on except for him, absolutely no one at all. I used to feel guilty when friends tease me for not spending enough time with them. But I will feel guilty no more as my hubby deserves my every thought and every bit of love. No one has any right to blame me for putting my hubby first in everything because that is exactly where he belongs! - Jan